Love and Marriage in the Senior Years: What Keeps Couples Close?
When people retire, they often fight less because they know how to compromise and work together to reach their goals. Strong marriages also result from treating one another with constant respect and adjusting to life's changes together.
According to the Guinness Book of Records, the longest marriage ever recorded and verified lasted almost 87 years. The couple said there's no single secret to successful love and marriage; it's about a long-term pattern of trust and respect. As you can see, marriage is all about creating shared trust and companionship.
Still, many in senior relationships here in Pueblo, CO, are wondering about how marriage after retirement is different and how they can adapt and keep the love alive and strong. Read on to learn more about successful and effective emotional connection in aging.
Successful Aging Together Means Handling Conflict
Anyone familiar with love and marriage knows that conflict is inevitable. You won't find senior relationships that haven't had their fair share of fights and arguments. The key to aging together in peace and harmony is to understand how to handle conflict.
When disagreements come up, the best couples know how to handle them without emotions boiling over. That means thinking about conflict in terms of shared goals rather than winning the argument.
According to Cornell University, marriage after retirement is often characterized by a more harmonious relationship and less conflict. Often, that's because older people have learned to compromise and collaborate. Age means realizing you're not going to agree on everything, and after years of marriage, seniors know how to find the ideal compromise everyone can live with.
Seniors with long-lasting marriages might use the following ways to resolve conflict:
- Always apologize: If someone is at fault, they should always apologize as soon as possible.
- Problem focus: Seniors should use problem-focused coping strategies.
- Don't live in the past: Successful couples don't focus on past regrets and mistakes; instead, they look towards the future.
By putting these companionship conflict resolution strategies into practice, couples can have a much more fulfilling retirement.
Learning to Adapt to Life's Challenges
One of the strongest aspects of many senior relationships is the ability to adapt to difficult or changing circumstances. While many of life's problems are solvable with a trusted partner by your side, there are always limits.
Problems like the following require a senior couple to adapt rather than solve:
- Low energy: Decreased energy levels can mean that keeping up with the same activity levels gets more challenging.
- Isolation: After retirement, seniors can become more isolated.
- Changing roles: Some lucky seniors get to become grandparents.
- Changing health: Health conditions in later life don't always have effective treatments available.
Seniors going through such lifestyle changes will need to work closely with their partners to adapt and overcome. Successful marriage means accepting that some problems are inevitable and focusing on collaboration and companionship. Allow seniors to adapt to changing circumstances rather than living in the past.
Love and Marriage Are About Respect
Finally, if you speak to any senior who has had a long and successful relationship and ask them their secrets, you're likely to hear the word respect. If you don't have a healthy respect for each other, none of the above tips will matter.
While making big gestures or giving expensive gifts have their time and place, it's much more important in a relationship for the couple to speak to each other respectfully and courteously.
Even when emotions are starting to boil over, successful seniors are always looking out for each other's needs, and they take each other's goals and aspirations seriously, even if they don't necessarily agree. A successful couple is always going to every interaction with their partner's dignity at the forefront of their mind and their decision-making.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does Love and Marriage Mean Adapting to Cognitive Impairment?
While this article has pointed out the benefits of adaptability and collaboration, there are limits. Conditions like dementia that cause cognitive impairment are something you can adapt to without specialist training.
According to the National Institute on Aging, cognitive decline could cause seniors to experience:
- Memory loss and forgetfulness
- Confusion and disorientation
- Agitation
This can result in one partner acting as the caregiver. While this might be possible in the earlier stages, it quickly becomes unviable. The only solution is moving into a senior living community where there are professional caregivers in a specially built environment.
Is It Normal to Argue More After Retirement?
Yes, retirement can change how a couple relates, and it can change how often disagreements appear. The following factors could play a role:
- When you spend more time with someone, small differences can seem bigger.
- Without the stability of old work routines, tension can rise.
- While being flexible is good, one partner shouldn't keep quiet to keep the peace.
If arguments feel frequent or draining, it can help to think about consulting professional support. Make a doctor's appointment, talk to friends and family, and maybe consider a move into a senior living community. If you choose the last option, the change in environment can be a positive one, especially since you don't have to take care of regular household tasks anymore.
Discover a Supportive Community
Couples from Pueblo often find that their marriage is stronger after retirement. This isn't because there is less conflict, but because they change how they deal with it. Focus on goals you both want to reach, make things right quickly by saying sorry, and don't bring up old issues.
Above all, protect respect in every conversation. Small, consistent courtesy builds the trust and companionship that sustains love through decades. That's the real secret.
The challenges of love and marriage are much easier when you have a supportive community by your side. At Rivaria El Camino, we help all our residents live a rich and active lifestyle. As an added bonus for military veterans, we offer a significant discount on the rent.
If you're interested in seeing our community for yourself, contact us today to set up a tour.